Let's Talk about Alexus

Well, let me just spill the tea. I'm 20 years old, just turned it in October. I come from a long family of musicians and educators. And let me tell you... They think college is literally life. And the 9-5 has always been the way to go. My mom talks about how she is trying to get out of the box so she's now doing piano lessons basically starting her own music school. And I am hoping she does well. My sister Brittany is dancing and going to college next year. She gets literal local rewards for her dancing. And I have a twin... and when I say the twin comparison is real. Especially for me. Because sometimes all I do is compare aspirations and the fact that my sister is just great. From her sense of style (I do not have a single fashion sense in my body, I just think something is cute and take it.) to her being in her second year of UTSA and the fact that she went to KOREA last summer. Let me tell yah I've been feeling like a real failure compared to them. I honestly haven't gotten much except for a few solos for singing in middle school and a participation award for doing a competition in marksmanship in high school... yeah. That's it.

It's kinda hilarious actually because my sisters are more of they know what they are going to do and they're gonna do it. But for me it's different. Growing up I had so many jobs I wanted to be. Like an interior designer (liked changing my room every chance I got) a singer(I'm an average singer... period) a veterinarian ( You have me messed up if you think I'm gonna CUT OPEN any animal.)I etc. But to be honest I didn't want to do any of that. I didn't feel like that was what I was meant to do in this world/universe/reality. You're telling me I have to pay BILLS. And slave my life away. No, I've decided that I'm only choosing one and that's to pay bills.

So when college started I felt this extreme sense of "Why am I doing this?" To live? To be stable? And I can truly say. That I was not happy with that... AT ALL. Because I felt like those were not good enough reasons and I would rather die than suffer for 4 years at a college just to suffer my entire life afterward. So I failed the first semester. And then the next semester. Then my mom said i had to get a job because I got kicked out of college. And spent the summer working as a hostess... No, Just No. No offense to hostesses I'm just not built for any work where I have to stay in a building for 8 hours for $10 an hour. Not for me man. So I got the chance to go to community college and still live on campus that Fall.

I have to say this semester changed me in the craziest ways. But, yeah I definitely failed this semester. And I'm gonna get an earful from my family when I see them. But I have decided It's ok. It is ok Alexus. (high key might start crying in the middle of typing this...I'm in a library lol). It's ok that I'm different, that I'm not like other people. It's ok That I feel dread about what my life will be like if I don't do something. It's ok that I rather die than stay in this place, with this feeling, with 4 years more to go because I failed the first 3 semesters. Yeah, it's my fault that I couldn't do it. It's my fault that whenever I even tried to do some actual schoolwork. I wanted to have a meltdown. Not because I didn't understand the work. But because I'm 18, 19, 20, and I was already tired of being here. Doing that. But I had an epiphany. When I got in a fight with my mom and I was literally screaming crying in my dad's SUV. There was a shift in my life from then on. I decided hey I'm gonna do some schoolwork. It took me 1 min to stop and look up other ways for me to be successful. Without college, without slaving away. Without sadness. And I just started.

The first video that came up was drop shipping. And, I love jewelry so why not open up a jewelry store? So I started a jewelry store. This is my first month and I've made 2 sales lol. I didn't do a lot of ads/social media/etc. But if you would have been there when I got the notification. The happiness I felt. Knowing I can make money online. I can work and if I work hard enough now I can be hugely successful and not have to work for 40 to 50 years. I can do this even though I got two sales in my first month.

And for once out of all the days I was in college. I felt hope.